I was updating some settings in my iCal and all of the sudden I noticed that I’d made a little note for today on one of the calendars. It said “6 mndn – en nu?”.
For those of you not as proficient in Dutch as you should be… It says, 6 months, now what?!”
Indeed, it is exactly 6 months ago that I jumped on a train, 10 days before my 25th birthday to travel across the Channel to London.
And indeed… now what?!
When I left a lot of people asked me what I was gonna do? How long was I planning on staying? Why the fuck did I want to go the England anyways?
To be honest, even back then I couldn’t really answer those questions. I had no idea why I was leaving. I just decided. it was a spur of the moment decision. I said I’d go, so I went.
But why I decided. Fuck if I know. It’s not like I had a job waiting here. It’s not like I had any friends here. I was just gonna see what would happen. I had this vague feeling that if I didn’t I never would. I was stuck in the Netherlands with no clue of how to move forward. Leaving, as hard as it was, was the easiest option.
A lot of people said it was brave. It never felt brave. In fact, I always had the sneaky suspicion I would be back in 3 months. Unhappy, but ready to focus on the future… rather than going round in circles and circles wondering who and what I should be as I was doing at that point. (most people do this before they go to university… but you know… I didn’t have therapy back then ;)
But it’s been six months. I came a couple of times really close to packing up and going home, but I’m still here.
In those six months I’ve managed to lose track of a godawful number of my friends (sorry guys… feel free to drop by any time). I’ve started and discarded a dozen projects. I had 3 different jobs, 2 different houses and moving on to the third and broke my Macbook.
I’ve not yet finished my screenplay or any single other project I’ve been working on.
And for now that is OK.
Because I thought my life would look a certain way, and it’s been one unexpected ride since I got here. I’ll be going with the flow for some bit longer… and then I’ll get back to the fun.
Don’t give up yet on me though… I just really needed a break.
And break time is almost over…
But I’m not coming home, yet!!
The good news (for those of you who still care after my radio silences and being terrible at answering emails) is that it’s starting to itch again. (no, it’s not an STD. It’s me actually wanting to get back to writing and directing and such) So, hopefully once I have my new Macbook I’ll start cranking out pages.
They’ll be shit though. I need to get back in the flow of things… because right now I even struggle with writing stupid blog posts… So, yea you know.
I’m getting rusty.