I generally don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I hardly see the point of making up a bunch of stuff I should change just because it is a New Year. This is not to say I never make a resolution to do something. I just think it is stupid to wait to a rather random point on the time continuum to change what should be changed.
If it is a problem and it’s bothering you. Change it. If it is not so pressing it can wait to the first of January, it will probably be not that pressing then either. This is why most of New Year’s resolutions fail catastrophically. Change that is necessary will not wait for anything. You can make it wait, delay it, but that will only mean that it will later come crashing down on you full force. Change happens whether you like or not. And I don’t think it will ever wait for a date that is more convenient for you. Change is somewhat of an anti-social bitch in that way.
But that is not to say there are no benefits to really deciding to take some positive action in your life, perhaps in the parts that are less pressing. I remember the month Wez’ and I stopped saying negative statements, and realized we were so much happier. ( We couldn’t keep it up for longer than a month… but I still blame Robin Thicke and his crazy dance moves for that) And I doubt surveying your life and goals you have yet to reach is ever a bad idea (well, perhaps don’t do that last part on your deathbed. Dying with regrets on your mind probably isn’t the greatest way to go).
And I know there are plenty of things I want to do in my life. I still want to go to outer space, for instance (Sometimes I wonder if I set myself up for failure or just dare to dream big). I still want to live in New York for a couple of months. I want to run the marathon and learn how to cook like a pro. And I really want a puppy and dress it in a superhero costume. These are all on my bucket list, which can now be found on this website. These things are all, of course, plans that will take some time and in many ways a lot of scientific progress. (After all, it’s not like I’ll learn to cook before they’ll find a way to implant a chip into my brain that will tell me how).
But there is one thing I really would like to happen; and that is to get rid of all those barriers of my own making. These inhibitions that I’ve created for myself that seem to make no sense. I don’t know why I limit myself so much, but I do. I still find it very difficult to relax and stop judging myself. And this is a bad thing for obvious reasons. Mostly, because I fear it will drive me to some day become either an alcoholic or a schizophrenic. This is why from time to time I stop drinking and stop being crazy. The not drinking is slightly easier than the not being crazy for some reason… But neither are very hard… So I figure stopping to be so goddamn limiting must be equally doable. :)
So, this year. I will actively work to become less self-aware and stop over-thinking everything. It will be really hard to shut down my brain, but I like the challenge. It will be fun. For a long time I’ve been living in a small box of my own making, and I think it’s time to leave it… or at least break out a wall so it becomes a little more spacious. I have no idea how I will do it, but I guess I’ve already been doing it and only becoming aware of it now. I started it when I decided to move to London, and from here on out I’ll just need to figure out how to keep on moving forward.
I think one of the ways to do it is is to just get out of my comfort zone more often. I know I have some slight OCD tendencies, and that is a safety net I shouldn’t need. So, I’m going to try new thing. I’m not sure what they are… As long as they are fun. And they should be fun to write about, so you can enjoy this journey as well.
This month, I’ve decided I’m going to go to a shooting range to shoot with guns… It probably won’t break me out of my shell, but it will be a boatload of fun…