Are you not entertained?

Alright people. Let’s get one thing straight here. All I’m here for is to entertain and educate you. I think I do it well. By now -If you’ve been paying attention- you should have learned a little about a lot.

You’ve recently learned a little bit about the 1960’s Batman and 2011 Thor movie and  what terrible things are happening to Tigers, Before that I taught you that we shouldn’t panic if the Internet became conscious, I taught you that Prince Vegeta is the ultimate hero, I shared with you the incredible failure that was my attempt at the National Novel Writing Month, and on top of that I showed you who I truly am….  and now that I think of it I probably even taught you how to tie your shoelaces.  And if you’ve really been paying attention you’ve learned a little bit quantum physics and how I am awesome in every single universe (except in that one where I don’t, in fact, exist)

And the list goes on; I mean, I even put my own sanity on the line and watched Twilight… just so I could warn every single one of you not to go see it… And trust me. Next time I’ll have to sit through that ordeal (because there is always a next time), I’m actually going to ask to be waterboarded instead. Just so I can compare what torture is worse.

So, when I ask for one little thing in return not one single person steps up. Like a little Tinkerbell I needed you to believe… So my believe wouldn’t die. But my doorbell didn’t ring. No presents presented itself to me. I am ashamed of the effort you guys make when I ask to buy me stuff. It’s ridiculous. Here I am, entertaining you 24/7… and nothing.

Nothing but absolute silence in return.

Like a lonely Spartacus I am here fighting off the hordes of angry gladiators, in this case a lack of coffee and some mild writers-block… but still. I am here for you. Every day in the trenches. And what do I get in return? Zilch.

Do you not know how that makes me feel? Used, that’s how I feel.

But if life has taught me anything it is that everything can be forgotten in sleep (and sometimes some mild drinking) and that the words: ‘It is what it is’ always apply.

And I know that I can deal with this. That all of this is nothing but a brutal reminder how our relationship works… And that’s ok. At least we’re honest. That’s important too. And remember,  I love you guys anyways…Even if you don’t buy me stuff. (slightly less though, but I know you understand that)

And on a COMPLETELY UNRELATED note: a quick reminder that Christmas is only 15 days away.


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