I’m not ashamed to say this: I’ve got problems and sometimes I try to drown them in Alcohol. I’m a firm believer that solutions CAN be found at the bottom of an empty bottle. The only problem is that if you are not careful the only solution you find is drinking even more…
And that usually means trouble…
Because heavy drinking will lead to hang-overs, projectile vomiting and complete blackouts. In my days I’ve woken up quite a few strange places with no memory of how I got there… or worse, a memory of how I got there and it isn’t a pretty one.
I once woke up in my bed, which is not unsurprising… but what was rather odd were the muddy footprints and the shrubbery I’d taken to bed with me. I also once woke up in my own vomit, with no idea how it got there… I’m quite sure you can’t actually barf in your sleep, but to this day that is still the best explanation I got. Also, I once opened my eyes to see a beautiful blue sky. I thought I was sleeping on a waterbed, turns out it was the cover of the swimming pool.
A couple of weeks ago I came to my senses at 9AM in a bar in my parents hometown, still clutching a bottle of Vodka, fighting my desire to throw up with every fiber of my body. When I had forced my stomach and every other organ in line again, the images of the night before crept back up.
I had spent the entire night drinking mixed drinks, but I hadn’t actually paid for anything.. Apparently, I had made a good friend in the bartenders (whom, I swear to God, all looked exactly the same… like humanoid Oompa-Loompas… And if I remember correctly, they also all had the same name…) The entire night, I’d pretended to be some weirdo from France because I was brushing up my French. I was having these conversations with a French-Dutch accent (I don’t even know what it sounds like) and throwing in these imaginary French words at random.
People must have figured that no one can be really that stupid and idiotic, so therefore she must be telling the truth… or I just really amused them… But no one challenged my awesome back story.
Also I should mention, I was all alone by now. My friends had all left at a respectable time, and I just stuck around chatting to random strangers. I must have struck a chord with someone, because I was invited to stay for the after party (I am not kidding, the after party was people sitting around a table talking about the night drinking apple juice.) I had commandeered a bottle of Vodka and was doing shots by myself.
When I woke up, I realized I was supposed to have a Skype meeting with my best buddy in Shang-Hai, so I bailed as quickly as I could. Throwing up behind the gas station and arriving home, totally wasted but still on time for my meeting.
After sobering up for 2 days I decided… no more Alcohol for me.
It’s not that I am an Alcoholic. I might suffer from some tendencies, but I am not really an Alcoholic. I usually don’t drink all that much anymore.
I used to, when I was younger and bored… but I hardly ever drank when I lived in Amsterdam. I didn’t really have the time for it. But then I moved back to Lelystad… and I started drinking more and more by myself. And I only have two options here. Drink a lot or not at all.
So for now, it is not at all. Until I move to London, I’m staying clean.
And when I told my friend about all of this, and how the quiet desperation and boredom leads to drinking, he told me about this awesome research.
They’ve done tests on lab rats where they had two cages. One was a totally awesome cage with a lot of fun things (for rats) and the other one was this boring cage (just a cage). Both of these cages had two sets of drinking bottles. One was filled with ordinary water and the other was filled with opium water.
Turns out that the rat in the boring cage exclusively drank Opium water, while the rat in the awesome fun-filled cage drank almost exclusively ordinary water. When the rats were swapped, they reversed their patterns.
boredom leads to excessive use of abusive substances.
Conclusion: Drinking increases Awesomeness of boring places